Mind Games
by Lennon-80
Summary: Arthur had never even thought of all troubles banishing Guinevere from Camelot would cause. MERTHUR
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Hello! This is my second Merlin fic, only this one isn't a oneshot and the first chapter is a bit shorter than my last story, but oh well. So yeah, I plan on making this a multi-chaptered fic, with a real plot (besides Merlin and Arthur's undeniable romance). It starts off as Arwen, but don't worry, it'll turn into Merthur eventually. That's all from me for now, I guess. I hope you like it, and even if you don't, leave a review, please!

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Merlin, Merthur would totally be canon.

**Mind Games**

Nothing hurts more than losing your loved ones, whether they are your family, your friends or your lovers. The pain is unthinkable and no matter how hard you try, you can't imagine it unless you have actually experienced it before. It's the worst type of pain, and regardless of what people say, no other type of pain compares to it. When you love someone so much you'd die for them, and then see them die before you, you feel nothing but emptiness. The real pain starts where emptiness ends and despair begins. So many questions without answers. So many wounds without a heal. So many thoughts without an end. You feel exhausted, desperate and hopeless.

But that's what eventually makes you stronger.

**...**

Winter in Camelot had never been colder. People were all shut inside their homes, sitting next to crackling fire and enjoying its warmth. Even the king and his knights (and a very loyal servant) would rather be watching fire in the fireplace than struggling to stay alive in the woods.

When king Arthur told his servant, Merlin, that he'd be going on an expedition through the woods in the middle of December, Merlin laughed at him and called him ridiculous. What Arthur said next shut Merlin up and made him regret ever making fun of his master.

"I'm sorry," he managed to mutter, trying not to sound too shocked. "I didn't know."

The king's face looked tired and exhausted, but he faked a small smile and said, "No, don't be. She'll be alright, I know it."

"I'll go with you," Merlin said, and rested his hand on Arthur's shoulder.

Arthur smiled again, genuinely this time. "I have never doubted that, Merlin."

A week later, they were sat by the pile of woods, trying their best to light a fire, but humid branches and cold ground made all their attempts worthless. Merlin knew he could make the branches burn with a single spell, but it was a risk he wasn't ready to make. Even Percival, the strongest of king's knights, was shivering.

Although the knights had sworn to Arthur they'd protect and stand by him through it all, good and bad, warm and cold, he was still surprised when they agreed to come with him and Merlin on a long and exhausting trip. He hated himself for making them tremble in the woods, but just the thought of why he was there made the feeling of guilt vanish.

He loved Guinevere with all of his heart, even though what she had done made him look like a fool. Her betrayal hurt and he knew he had to do what he had done, but he couldn't help but feel responsible for what happened to her a week before.

**...**

_A week before_

"My king, there is something I need to inform you about," Lord Agravaine said to his nephew while he was enjoying a meal in his chambers, completely unaware of tension in his uncle's voice.

"Go on," he said, his mouth full. It was rude, yes, but interrupting his lunch was even ruder, or so he thought.

"It's about Guinevere, Sire," Agravaine replied, making the king stop chewing. "It appears she's been captured by a group of druids and they're threatening to attack Camelot if you don't react."

The king felt like his heart had stopped beating. Signaling his uncle to leave him alone, he waited for him to exit and then broke down in tears of guilt, anger and despair.

He will save her.

What Arthur didn't know, was the fact those druids were more dangerous than he could imagine, mostly because they had known him so well.

Or, to be exact, their leader had known him so well.

**...**

"Arthur."

Arthur mumbled something and turned to the other side.

"Arthur, are you awake?"

Was it Merlin's voice? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he was in his bed, the only place he could get some rest.

"You're such a dollophead."

It had been Merlin's voice indeed, as his face was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. "What do you want, Merlin?" he asked sleepily.

"You don't hear me calling your name, but you do hear me insulting you," Merlin smiled, still hovering over the king. "I was just worried about you. You were talking in your sleep."

Still drowsy, Arthur lifted himself in sitting position and looked around. It quickly hit him that he wasn't in his bed. They were still in the woods, fighting to stay alive. He noticed Sir Leon and Elyan laughing at Gwaine and Percival, who were leaning on each other a few meters away, snoring like wounded warthogs.

He turned to his servant again, who still had a worried look on his face. "What?"

"Nothing," Merlin replied and shook his head. Arthur continued staring at Merlin, making him feel uncomfortable. Merlin looked away, trying his best not to blurt out the reason why he looked so worried.

"Merlin," Arthur muttered, but Merlin didn't react. "Merlin, look at me."

Hesitating, Merlin slowly turned his head around to face the king again. Before Arthur had time to ask, he said, "I... I was just worried about you, I've already told you."

Arthur laughed loudly. Ever since Agravaine brought him the shocking news, laughter had been a foreign thing to him. Merlin had always been a good servant, both of them knew that, but his serving abilities were nothing compared to his ability to make Arthur laugh and forget about the worries, even if it were just for a moment or two.

Merlin, being his usual discerning self, realized what Arthur's laugh meant. He smiled, feeling a bit better than mere seconds before.

"You're really bad at keeping secrets," Arthur said, still grinning widely.

"You can see right through me, Sire," Merlin replied, trying not to sound too sarcastic. Although Arthur's obliviousness amused Merlin, keeping a secret from him was torture, especially because he cared about his king a lot, and keeping a secret meant not being his true self.

Arthur said nothing. He looked at Sir Leon and Elyan again, who looked like they were about to fall asleep like their friends had. Absorbed in watching them, he didn't even realize Merlin had scooched over and leaned against him.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" Arthur asked and gave Merlin a puzzled look.

"Isn't it obvious?" Merlin replied, ignoring Arthur's grimace. "I figured we'd be less cold if he kept each other warm."

"I'm not warm, Merlin," Arthur said, sounding appalled. Merlin's ideas were sometimes incredibly ridiculous.

"Not yet, but you will be in few minutes."

"I won't, because I'm not going to lean on you!"

Merlin composed himself and opened his mouth to say something, but Sir Leon's sudden yell made them both look in the knights' direction. Sir Leon got up and started staggering towards Arthur and Merlin, looking quite unusual.

"Leon?" Arthur asked, quickly getting up. When the knight didn't reply, Arthur turned to Merlin and said, "My sword."

Following his master's orders, Merlin got up and ran to a tree under which all of their things were, including Arthur's sword. He picked it up and swiftly brought it to Arthur, who swung it and defensively put it in front of his face. "Get behind me."

Merlin stepped behind him, thinking of a way to stop Sir Leon without hurting him. He could use magic to stop him, but that would be a great risk. Before he had time to decide what to do, Arthur put the sword against Sir Leon's chest. "You'll stop if you want to live."

Surprisingly (and to Merlin's relief), the knight stopped. A second later, he flopped on the ground like a log.

When he knelt down to help the knight, Merlin thought he caught a glimpse of a black robe behind one of the trees. Just one blink later, it disappeared.

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><p><em>Please review! :)<em>


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Before you start reading, let me thank you for leaving reviews! They really make me happy and motivate me to continue writing :)  
>I'd also like to apologize for not writing a longer chapter, but I really wanted to update as soon as possible. Plus, this one's a filler, I guess, so I hope you like it.<br>Also, the hell was that finale? I don't know about you, but I kinda had bigger expectations. Oh, yeah, that reminds me of another thing: this fanfic will probably include the reveal we're all waiting for. Okay, maybe not the one we're waiting for, but yeah, there should be a reveal. I really don't know why I just told you that, but okay.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Merthur, I mean Merlin, the finale would have gone a completely different route.

**Mind Games, chapter 2**

Sat by the fire, Arthur couldn't keep his eyes off his servant, who was sleeping peacefully on the cold ground. He looked weak, almost vulnerable, but Arthur knew he was much more than that. In the last four years, Merlin had proved himself as a brave fighter ready to stand up for whatever he thought was right. Arthur had never been sure how and why, but one of the things Merlin was particularly good at was seeing both bad and good in strangers. Having a friend like Merlin was like some kind of a lovely curse; as much as Arthur loved the young man, he couldn't help but feel like there was something else about him, something which made Arthur feel uneasy every time he thought about it. What was it, he didn't know.

Arthur managed to look away and focus on dark trees surrounding them. It was his turn to stay awake and make sure nobody attacked them, and he was happy they let him do it. It took a lot of talking before the knights finally agreed that they needed rest and that their king could take their duties for the night. If Merlin was right, the village where the druids and Guinevere were was not far from where they were, meaning that was probably their last night under the stars.

"Arthur," Merlin's drowsy voice made Arthur look back at his servant. He lifted himself in sitting position and stretched his long arms. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"An hour, maybe a little more," Arthur answered. "You should go back to sleep, Merlin."

Merlin shook his head. "No," he said, "I don't want you to be alone. It's my duty to protect you, Sire."

"So is obeying my orders," Arthur replied, glaring at his stubborn servant.

Merlin returned his glare, making Arthur feel that uneasy feeling again, and he quickly looked away. They remained silent for a few moments, and it felt strangely comfortable, like words weren't important at all.

"Tell me, Merlin," Arthur said, breaking the silence. His voice was hoarse, so he cleared his throat before continuing. "Do you ever miss your home?"

"My home?" Merlin asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Yes, Ealdor. Do you ever miss it?"

Merlin bit his lip and lowered his gaze. Arthur noticed the way he clenched his teeth, but decided not to interrupt the dark haired man in his thoughts. Merlin had never talked much about his home, probably because Arthur had never asked, and the way he reacted to the question made Arthur regret ever asking anything.

"Yes," Merlin said finally, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. When Arthur didn't reply, he continued, "I do miss it, especially my mum."

There were another few moments of silence, interrupted only by Merlin's snuffing.

**...**

According to Merlin, who knew where the druids lived, if they started going towards north before noon, they would get to their village before dark. It was already past noon and they still hadn't started going, mainly because of Gwaine's inability to wake up on time. Actually, he did wake up on time, but he didn't feel like getting up, so he continued laying until Percival kicked him and called him a lazy prat.

It was already close to one when they finally started going. The snow had already melted, so their horses didn't have much trouble galloping, but they were still shivering with cold.

"Are you sure this is the right way, Merlin?" Arthur asked after a while. It seemed like they weren't actually moving because the trees surrounding them had all looked the same. Arthur trusted Merlin, there was absolutely no doubt about that, but even Merlin looked somehow unsure about the way they were going.

"Of course I am," Merlin answered, smiling at his king.

"You know, you never cease to amaze me," Sir Leon said, making his horse gallop right next to Merlin's. "How do you know all those villages?"

"Well, I grew up in one, remember?" Merlin answered, suspecting the real reason behind Sir Leon's question.

"Yes, but..." the knight continued, confirming Merlin's suspicions. "I can't help but notice that you know quite a lot about magical creatures and villages."

"He's just educated, Leon," Arthur interrupted the knight, starting to feel a little annoyed by unnecessary chatting.

Merlin smiled to himself; Arthur had been so oblivious during the last four years, even when he had all the evidences that Merlin had magic. Merlin had had so many doubts in the past about coming out to Arthur, but got scared every time and decided to postpone the reveal. He knew the time would come eventually, he just didn't know how, why and when exactly.

But what Merlin didn't know, was that Arthur wasn't as oblivious as he thought. Arthur had noticed something weird about Merlin, and at first he thought that Merlin was just an idiot. When he thought things through, he realized that Merlin had always been there whenever something strange or unusual happened. Maybe it was coincidental, or maybe it was really something more.

An hour of riding, nagging and sighing later, they decided to take a short break, stopped their horses and hopped off.

"Wait," Merlin protested, still sitting on his horse. "I know a village not far from here, we can stay there."

"Here he goes again," Sir Leon laughed. "Another village you know, Merlin?"

Merlin grinned. "This one's different, I've actually been there, and so were you." When the knight gave him a puzzled look, he continued, "Come on, let's continue riding and you'll see."

"I believe I am the one ordering around here, Merlin," Arthur said, "but I trust you."

Merlin smiled at the king and started riding again.  
>If it weren't for Arthur's question not so long ago, Merlin wouldn't think of visiting his mum. Thanks to the king, the young warlock was just a few minutes away from finally hugging his dear mother again.<p>

**...**

Arthur hadn't recognized the village until he saw a familiar woman walking quickly towards him and his men. He noticed the way her smile grew bigger with every step, and he remembered her. It was Merlin's mother, Hunith, which meant they were in Ealdor.

"Mother!" Merlin exclaimed, jumping off the horse.

She stretched out her arms and pulled him into a tight hug. Their faces lit up and a wide smile spread across Merlin's pale face.

Arthur hopped off his own horse and was standing behind them, trying his best not to interrupt their reunion. It reminded him of his relationship with his own mother, who had tragically passed away. Arthur had always blamed himself for his mother's early passing; if his father hadn't wanted a son so much, no magic, which caused his mother's death, would had been used.

Magic was the reason his mother was gone, and the reason the love of his life was in danger.

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><p><em>Please review! :)<em>


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